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Read this if you're new (or bored...).
2005-01-16 - 10:38 p.m.
Because I needed more stress...
Well, today I went back to school. But before that, this morning, I went to church. The District Superintendent was there to give the sermon and lead a very important meeting after the service. At this meeting, we discussed the Church's options for the future. 22 people came to church that day, including the pastor and his wife. Of that, there were five people under the age of 25, and nince total under the age of 60. 14 people there, myself included, are voting members. Of that, 12 voted to close the church. I voted for that option. If we stay open, then when we have no choice but to close, no one will be able to deal with all the necessary stuff coming up. Merging wouldn't work because no one wants to go to the two Methodist churches near us. One's having their own issues (which are the result of a previous merger), and the other is just very, very cold to newcomers. Everything has to be sold off. Everyone has to find a new home church. It's just so overwhelming. For so many people, it's as much about community as it is about religion. I know a good group is going to move down the street to the Presbyterian church. They have friends there, and the Pres is very friendly and welcoming. But officially, Presbyterians believe in predestination, and my family won't be going that route. Honestly, it doesn't effect me much in the short run. I wasn't planning on staying Methodist *or* local. Church shopping has been on the horizon for me for a while. Still, I always hoped that maybe I'd be able to get married in my church. I wanted to bring my kids back on holidays. When the old favorites got brought out at Christmas, I wanted to be asked back to sing with the choir, like the veterans always are. I wanted a home base. I don't know where I'm going now. I didn't anyway; that didn't change. But I know if it's a small church, I have to risk going through all this again in ten years. And if it's a big church, no one will ever remember my name. I know of too many churches where people don't know the person who sits next to them every week. People who are complete strangers because they go to a different service. Christmases and Easters that require admission tickets to keep extra people out. I don't want to have to be semi-pro to get into the choir and professional to have the occasional bone of a solo thrown to me. I don't want people to be pissed off at me when I show up at bible study with insight ("who's that new girl think she is?"). I want to make brownies for potluck dinners. I want to actually be a part of the community. And I know it could take decades before I'm accepted that way. And I always accepted that. But now I won't have any place where I am part of the community. It didn't really hit me until this evening. The issue had been discussed for years -- since even before my parents were married. And it's not as bad as it could be. Last time this came up, my elementary school closed down and I was switching Girl Scout troops. Everything else was changing, but at least I had my church. Oh, scratch that. With graduation, and leaving the area, everything is changing again. I voted for it, because I think it was the right decision, but I just lost my anchor. I am so sick of being the new kid. I want to be part of something that won't be taken away. I don't want to be alone again.
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