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Read this if you're new (or bored...).
2004-04-11 - 7:56 p.m.
Busy with fairness
So, what am I doing this summer? Well, first I'm going to spend this week lying to Target and telling them I plan to come back, even though I *actually* plan to do everything I can to get out of it. Then alternating between catching up on my theology portfolio and writing cover letters for resumes so I can get an internship and *not* have to go back to Target. Finally, I need to write a paper proposal for English class, immediately followed by a revision of the *last* English paper, so I can bring the grade up. Meanwhile going over my music samples, because I desperately need to bring up that grade, too. Message to BF: please hold me to this list. Once all that is done, I will be on track for the summer. I hope. Ok, so what am I doing this summer? Well, the BF and I are going to Boston for a few days to check out grad schools (bear in mind I still don't know if I'm going to grad school). That's definite -- the room is reserved. Of course, there's always the chance a huge case will come up and they'll bump up his jury duty, but that's why I insisted we pay the extra $8 for the option of getting a refund, should something happen. Peace of mind for the price of a movie ticket. An old childhood friend and I are planning to go to a baseball game at the new stadium. Still. The plans for that have gotten canceled and rescheduled so many times, God knows if it's going to happen. Also, if we can pull it off, we'll make it a NY game and bring the BF. But who knows if we can? Also, this friend is planning on hanging one way or the other this summer. Which sounds good, except... A friend from campus (who's graduating in May) wants to have a big party when everyone's back in the states. A two-day affair, mostly likely, as no one will be fit to drive home after. A friend who lives upstate wants everyone to come up there and see the world's best ice cream and produce. Sure. Another friend finally wants his turn. If we go to everyone else's house, isn't it time to go to his? We all want to go down the shore. It's the first summer we're all legally able to drink and gamble, and we want to make a trip of it. My family is going to want to do *something*, I'm sure, esepcially since my dad is working again. The BF and I are going to miss each other too much *not* to see each other once or twice with just us. Hell, there are concerts to be attended. If the Fez is any good this year, I have half a mind to invite the guys down here for that. All this sounds really excellent until you remember: I, and most of the people I associate with, plan to have jobs this summer. Several need to, having blown large chunks of savings on Euro-conversion. So, how many days does anyone have a right to ask off? If it's not many, will we be spending all of them drinking? I'm not sure I'm ok with that (some, absolutely, but not all...). If we have to choose, how will we decide who to disappoint? The BF kept telling me, people get disappointed, it's part of life. But knowing how much it hurts, why disappoint someone when you don't have to? And when, exactly, *do* you have to? He said people give stuf up for me, too... like his choice of housing next year. Well, I knew it wasn't his first choice, but I didnt realize it was a massive sacrifice. Now I feel guilty... if I had just lived with a stranger, would he be happier? But then, I'd be miserable. At what point is it worth it? Some comprimises are easy. For example (and listen well, gentlemen), some of the guys and I are planning on a certain cooking rotation, so each of us only has to cook about once a week. Because of my class schedule, there's no way I'll be able to cook on Tuesdays. Whomever cooks on Tuesdays needs to save me some food. If he doesn't, then he doesn't eat when it's my turn. I think that's fair. Meaningful events my last year of college aren't the same as Tuesday night dinner. When can I demand things? When can I say no? When do I stop having the right to say no? When is it ok to stop giving a shit, and how the hell am I supposed to do that, anyway? Perfect equality and justice don't exist, life isn't fair, blah, blah, blah. That's a cop-out parents use for not giving their kids the real reason. Just because true fairness doesnt exist doesn't mean we can't give forth just a little more effort and make it a tiny bit more fair. And the only reasons I know of that we shouldn't... well, frankly, they aren't fair, either. So maybe I'll only go to Lancaster if everyone else commits. Maybe I'll go to Jersey exactly once, and we'll just see which trip people can agree on. Maybe if I drink at the big get-together, I'll play babysitter at the next. Maybe the internships will fall through and I can just do whatever I want. I really don't care if Target gets screwed over. They screw me over plenty. And I think that's fair.
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