|
Read this if you're new (or bored...).
2004-03-14 - 8:21 p.m.
Wanted: Catharsis
I've been sleeping for most of spring break. I kind of want to go to bed right now. I have stuff I need to do... nothing harsh like a paper, but stuff. Stupid little stuff is getting to me. One friend keeps trying to help, but there's never time to do more than dig the feelings up so that they sit there. Another friend has told me I've been confrontational since January. Likely, although it would be difficult to say I'm the only guilty party in that. The issues involved are too volatile, and I don't bring them up every time. My brothe somehow manages to be a troublemaker *and* take moral high ground. I can't win with this kid. I don't know why I try. But I sure don't like losing all the time. I really needed to talk to my bf today. And he said he'd call. And he did... but I wasn't at the apartment yet, so he couldn't get through. Well, I called, and he couldn't talk, since it was late. Spain is 6 hours ahead, right? Understandable. But I miss him, and it's just been a tough week. I need catharsis, damn it. I need to cry, but that's not good enough. I need someone to hug me when I'm done. And there's no way I can fault anyone for not being here. It's hard to be the only who doesn't have a good reason for missing out. You know, I don't know if something is wrong with me or not. Finding out doesn't seem to work. But my mom said something interesting today... mental pain can be just as bad as physical pain, and mental illness can seem just as hopeless as physical illness. Am I depressed? I honestly have no idea. Scratch that, I *know* I'm depressed, but is it illness? I need to find out for sure. The questions? The ones I named this diary after? I wish I was a normal person who just didn't care enough about the answers to be worried. Barring that, I need some way of getting this out of my system... once and for all, if possible.
<-- Some answers may be found in the past.
Some questions have yet to be asked. -->
|